Friday, August 31, 2007

It's all about Choices

A couple weeks ago it was our 11th Anniversary. My…my…how time flies. We ended up hitting a movie at budget, Spiderman 3. It was mediocre at best…but it did get us thinking. Life really is all about choices. People say, “I had no choice.” But really, you always have a choice. You may not like the options, but you always have a choice. Neither of us likes the fact that David’s body is being bombarded by all of these chemicals. Or the fact that he had Cancer. But we do have a choice. We could stop enjoying and exploring life together. Stop laughing. Stop loving. Stop living. Or we can continue to move forward. Play. Laugh. Go on walks. Make art. Live.

So often, I will run into people and they say, “How do you do it?” You always seem so upbeat. How can you just keep going about your daily lives? But really that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? You can’t let the Cancer beat you. You can’t let it define you. Control your life. This is definitely not where we envisioned being at our 11th anniversary, but the cancer is not going to own us. We choose to fight. To try to face the future with hope and without fear, which sometimes feels impossible…but the alternative is worse. We will stare “the beast” in the face and give it the finger and laugh. And then we’ll go out for tea!

As far as David’s health goes, he’s doing extremely well. His platelet counts dipped for a couple weeks, but they’re fine now. His kidney seems to be having a tough time with the new meds, but the doctor said it was nothing serious yet, just something to keep an eye on. The doctor even said that at least now we know David is taking his meds. Maybe they thought he wasn’t taking them since he showed no outward signs of being on chemo. I thought that was amusing. As for me, my neck, head and back is doing better. I’m no longer having the excruciating headaches. I’ve been to an acupuncturist a couple times, as well as a couple good friends of ours had us over to their house last weekend. Along with dinner, I received a deep tissue massage along with some acupressure and who knows what else. It did wonders and I was grateful.

So, I’m on the road to recovery. Thanks to everyone in our life watching out for me and making sure I’m taking care of myself. I’ve also been told by three different people in the last month that I need to begin meditating again. I haven’t been able to do any meditation or relaxation exercises since David went in again in June. I just couldn’t seem to go there emotionally. But, as my back can attest, I need to take care of myself and find a way to release all of this tension and fear…otherwise it will consume me both physically and emotionally.


At August 27, 2008 6:41 PM, Blogger Satine said...

Although I'm reading this BLOG entry a year later, since I never knew the BLOG existed before last night, I do think you're very insightful.


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