Wednesday, August 15, 2007

A little reminder

I received this in an email from David, as a gentle reminder that I too need to take care of myself. Because all too often, I put the needs of Alec and David above myself and even more so since David’s diagnosis.

This is what he sent…
"In the event of a decompression, an oxygen mask will automatically drop from a compartment above your seat...If you are traveling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your mask on yourself first, and then assist the other person."

So true. And probably something I needed reminding of. I’ve found that since the second surgery, it has taken much longer for me to bounce back emotionally. Finding more GBM cancer cells has hit me hard and I find it difficult to think optimistically of a Cancer free future. But somehow I will wade through all these fears swimming in my head and move forward. But right now, I seem to floundering about. And all the stress seems to be taking its toll on my body. I’ve starting having these insanely bad headaches two days ago, from you guessed it. Tension. My back is all knotted up and it’s now traveling to my head. When the headache first hit, and even the slightest movement would cause sharp pains to wrack my head…I didn’t think sinuses, tension, or any other normal malady. My first thought was brain tumor. Hypochondriac much?

It’s just that it was so bad and no matter what I did it wouldn’t go away. And then when I started getting nauseous from the pain, there were just too many parallels between this headache and David’s last year. It was more than a little disconcerting. David grounded me a bit by reminding me that his never lessened and that I have had brief moments of relief and he also reassured me that I don’t have a brain tumor. Too much stress yes. Possibly overworking my body and not taking care of myself…definitely. But a brain tumor. No.

So, here I am…feeling a little better. I’ve been taking it easy the past couple days, taking lots of hot baths and filling my work with the lovely odorous smell of my “bed buddy” which works wonders on my neck but has the oddest toasted wheat smell. Very interesting…but the hot compresses have begun to alleviate the headaches. So…lesson taken. I need to take care of myself. I know it’s important to take care of my family…but I won’t be much good to anyone if I let myself fall apart and am unable to care for neither myself or David and Alec.


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