Tuesday, February 19, 2008

What I Wouldn't Give...

What I wouldn’t give to have a blog posting that doesn’t involve tumors, Cancer or the Big “D.” Unfortunately, I won’t be getting my wish today. David went in for his regularly scheduled MRI and there was a change on the scan. There isn’t a big nasty tumor there…but there is tumor activity. Meaning tumor cell growth. The Neuro-Oncologist doesn’t feel it’s even large enough to warrant surgery, but it does mean that Dave needs to begin a different treatment.

We’re trying to look at this optimistically, although a part of me is devastated. The current treatment he’s been on has been hell on his body. He’s had more than 7 hospitalizations since last June’s surgery and he really hasn’t been the same since. This current treatment hammered his immune system and made it almost impossible for him to combat the C-diff as well and the numerous other bacteria’s and infections that I never got a chance to blog about. So, although it may have been extremely effective at killing Cancer…it was destroying his immune system and intern his body in the process. And he’s been taken off this particular chemo 3 times in the last 7 months just so his body could recover a little. So, unfortunately it’s not altogether surprising that there is a little activity because he has had weeks off the treatments which gave his body a break…but also gave those pesky little Cancer cells the breather they too needed to flourish.

Our Doctor was already formulating a plan after the last hospitalization when it became apparent that the meds were doing a number on his immune system and his body couldn’t afford another bout of C-diff and the ensuing hospitalization. So, he had already discussed David’s case with a bevy of people somewhere out east and he even spoke with the Grand Pooh Ba of the current trial he’s on and other big names in the field to discuss the next steps in David’s treatment. And the consensus was a popular treatment for GBM’s and patients are responding extremely well to it. So well that not only is it keeping that nasty tumor at bay…it is actually shrinking them…which until recently was unheard of. Hell, this drug wasn’t even an option or widely used 1 ½ years ago when David was first diagnosed. And now it is considered one of the most effective treatments for these nasty little bastards.

It will be a big change for us…but this may very well be the treatment we’ve been waiting for. It’s not as debilitating to the immune system as the previous two chemos have been. It will be taken via IV every other week. This will be a new experience for David since previously, it’s always been by pill.

So. I feel like we’ve both been struck down again. Sometimes I feel like we just keep stepping into the ring only to get one hell of a beating. We fall down and then get up again. It seems almost masochistic sometimes. But the alternative is far worse. If we were to just stay down when we got these beatings. Not get up. Not fight. That would mean game over. And that’s not an option for either of us. So, we pick ourselves up again. Lately staggering and not holding our heads quite so high. But we stand up and brush ourselves off and get back into that damn ring. We fight. This is a battle neither of us are about the loose. Yeah, sometimes we’ll sit on the floor and just cry for a while but eventually we do get up and head right on back out there. Some days I don’t know how we do it. Its funny…I get asked that all of the time, “How do you do it?” and honestly I haven’t a clue. All I know is that giving up isn’t an option and no matter how beaten up and bruised we are…we’ll get up. Because someday they’re going to ring that damn bell and not only will this round be over. So will this deadly game. And when it does. We’ll both be there. Together. Holding each other up and smiling.


At February 20, 2008 8:04 PM, Anonymous Hope said...

Just letting you know I have been reading. My thoughts and prayers are with both you and David. Its not an easy road at all and I surely understand that. Hang on to each other and move forward in the fight.If it helps I understand how it is to fall and struggle getting back up..no matter what it takes..Its never easy. Hugs and Prayers Hope


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