Friday, July 04, 2008

The world spins madly on...

Yesterday was one of those days where you just want to curl up into a ball and cry. We met with Hospice. No, we’re not ready for them yet. But we have to choose one, so that when the time comes we have one in place. And this isn’t the sort of thing you want to be doing at the last moment. Pulling a random name out of a hat when it’s hitting the fan is the last thing we want to do. These are the people that will be insuring that David is getting the best possible care and that his needs are being met. They also will be making sure that Alec and I are not going under as well, as things progress. Not a fun day and not a fun topic. None of this end-of-life crap is. It’s heartbreaking and emotional. But we’re getting through it. Although more often than not, I don’t know how.

But we get through each day. Some good. Some bad. Most feel surreal to us. We look around and everyone’s lives are continuing they should be. It’s summer. People are doing yard work, grilling, going on walks, and enjoying lazy summer days. We’re trying…we truly are. We are doing fun things each and every day. Memories that will have to last us a lifetime. And yet it’s still so difficult, because I feel as if we are standing outside the world...looking in. Everyone’s lives are continuing, but ours are standing still. We’re in Cancer World. A world filled with doctors, medicine, treatments, uncertainty, hope and fear. I don’t even know what it’s like in the other world anymore. This is my life. David is my life and Cancer right now seems to be encompassing it. I’m reminded of the The Weepies song “The world spins madly on.” This song just seems to resonate with me right now. Not that I wake up and wish that I was dead. I don’t want you guys freaking out and calling in an intervention. The melody just seems to capture my mood as of late. And there is a line, “I watch the stars through my windowsill. The whole world is moving. But I’m standing still.” It just seems to fit today. I tend to connect to music anyways. Throughout our courtship, marriage and life, it has played an integral part. Songs become something I identify with. Kind of like sign posts for the moments in our lives. Little musical moments that bring back specific memories and emotions. And this one just feels like where I’m at and where I’m going right now.

Below is a wacky link to a free search of it. Just click the play button on the top. I didn’t have the energy to dink about with it more. If someone knows a fast way to link a song to my blog…let me know.

SeeqPod - Playable Search


At July 06, 2008 1:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dearest Skye,

There is nothing but NOW, all else is an illusion we get trapped into believing and counting on. Live laugh think act and love now -- and later will take care of itself. You two are doing that, and it's magnificent. The Light is shining on you both, illuminating the Path a step at a time, and you are listening to the Music and finding a way to Dance. Now that you see clearly where it's going, it won't be nearly as scary as the uncertainty of what is already behind you.
Love, Hollis


Post a Comment

<< Home