Thursday, June 16, 2005

How do I get a ticket?

I went to the mall today. Which is quite unusual for me. I’m not one to hang out at the mall shopping my afternoon away. I’m more the kinda girl who will go to Barnes and Noble…order a Toffee Nut Latte and then spend hours wandering the isles reading books. But Alec’s 6-month photo shoot is coming up and I wanted to find something for him to wear besides his diaper and a formula stained onesie. Having a boy, this is more difficult that you would think. But that is another tirade for another day.

So, back to the original story. I went to the mall to find a nice, simple outfit for my adorable son. No dorky sweater vests or blue monstrosity with trucks all over it. Something simple and classy. Since we’ve decided to indulge in a “professional” photographer because we figured “what the hell…we’re only doing this once so we might as well do it right”…as well as the fact that I was disturbed by the fact that the Joe Blow photographer at your local store might put cherub wings on him. We decided we better get a nice outfit for him to be immortalized in for this momentous occasion of him turning 6-months…as well as the fact that this photographer (who does amazing work I might add) also costs MUCH more than your average Joe Blow photographer…so Alec better look good.

So, here I am at the mall…meandering from one pricey kids store to the next…being reminded repeatedly why I don’t shop for Alec at the mall for his “regular” clothes. If I did, we would either have to live off ramen or I would have to pimp Dave out regularly to afford those cute little outfits… But I digress.

So, here I am…wandering around and there are TONS of moms.
Moms everywhere with little munchkins in tow. Moms from all walks of life…
But there were basically two kinds of moms that stood out for me today. The first kind are not your run of the mill mom. They are your very wealthy moms who do not work and probably have done very little work in their life (not that not working is bad, I only work 3 days a week now) but they come from a household of high means. They probably have more money than I will see in a lifetime. And they are meandering about picking up $80 sweaters for their infants…and cooing “Isn’t this just adorable, I must have it!” Yeah, lady. It’s adorable…and it’s also damn expensive. These perfectly coifed moms are dressed in all the latest high fashion and their children are immaculate. How do they do that? It’s like they come from such upstanding stock that the stains just magically disappear…or maybe they just shop at the mall so much that the kid has a billion outfits, so when one gets soiled they just chuck it. Who knows…
Then there are the other moms. Let’s call them the cool moms. They are in groups, and they are having a lovely time. Laughing and chatting and drinking their cappuccinos. I find myself staring at these women. They look at me and smile and I smile back…but then they are gone…laughing and sharing stories. And I am left there alone.
It’s like I have a ticket to a club, but I don’t really belong and I don’t know how to get in. I may have a ticket…but I’m still outside...pressing my face to the window wondering what it’s like inside.

Sometimes I wish I knew someone who has a 6 month old…. Someone with like interests that we could go and hang out with and our children could play…
They say that you will meet people, but I haven’t yet. I’m still on the outside looking in. Not to say I’m totally alone…I have wonderful friends who light up my life and give me smiles as well. But they all work and have busy lives as well…and on my days off…when Alec is asleep…I feel isolated.

Well, there you have it folks…could it be postpartum? Possibly…but I doubt it. It’s probably more likely I am adjusting to my new life with a little being and just crave adult interaction and someone to share my goofy daily moments with.

But to put a happy note on it…I found an adorable sweater and linen pants for Alec for the photo shoot and I didn’t have to open a 2nd mortgage on the house…clearance…it’s a wonderful thing!


At June 19, 2005 8:47 PM, Blogger flick said...


The rich moms are also the moms for whom their kids are as much an accessory for them as those cute little outfits are accessories for the kids.

The cool moms strike me as not dissimilar to the cool kids clique in high school. I see gaggles of them when I go out to lunch, and their chattering has never once struck me as sweet open talking amongst friends, it always sounds like talking for talking's sake, something done to fill an otherwise silence, some void they are afraid of facing quietly.

For all the company they share with each other, they seem very lonely to me, each and every one of them.

The way you and Dave are with each other is what I dream I'll have with someone someday and what I wish everyone would find, because if they did maybe people would stop doing some of the awful things they make such habits of.

I doubt if I'm the only person who knows you and has looked at something you've made and been in awe. Dumbstruck. Only able to think, dammit all, how does someone get to be able to do that? Followed closely by, I guess that's how you flip the bird to all the ugliness in the world, you make something that beautiful.

I understand you feel like you're the one on the outside looking in, at a club you almost sort of belong to but not quite. All I can tell you is this: take a step back and turn around and look at all you've built, made and loved with those you've built and made and loved with. There are people, lots of them, some by choice and some by sheer bad luck, who have never and will never know anything like that, ever.

The club was made by people who don't even know what should go into making it. You do know. Keep living that way. I'm one person who has thought about you, and Dave, in my darker moments and decided that since that--how you are, how Dave is, how you and he are together--is real, it's possible for anyone, even me.

You are some of the best people I know, and some of the best people I've ever met. You are living refutations of every time I've ever thought the worst.


At June 20, 2005 6:05 PM, Blogger Kerri said...


I can't seem to find the right words to say anything as eloquent as what Flick posted. So, I'll just say "ditto" and remind you that I am always here. Never too busy for one of my dearest, most beautiful inside and out friends. I realize I don't have a baby, but, if you catch me on the right day I think I can supply some adult conversation that doesn't involve excessive drooling or poppy pants :-)

Love you.


Post a Comment

<< Home