Thursday, March 01, 2007

People are funny…well…sort of…

Ok. I just have a little something to say. I love all of the support we have had, so please don’t get me wrong. Actually…it’s one of the things that have helped us get through each day and begin to move forward and past the craziness. But I believe that there is a big difference between support and being completely insensitive.

I know that sometimes people say the wrong thing and sometimes you just don’t know what to say at all. I completely understand that. Hell…I’ve been there. And I’ve said stupid things when trying to be supportive and muddled through an awkward situation. And now…I’m even more aware of what I say and how I say it. When something happens now to friends or someone around me I feel like I should have some precious pearl of wisdom to share with them. So many friends have shared such special and private moments and emotions with me and they have said such beautiful wise things. And yet…even now, when I am faced with the same situation with someone else, I am sometimes at a loss for words myself.

But I can say this. I do know that saying, “Wow…I’m so proud of you guys. You’re doing so well and living life to the fullest…especially since Dave could die any day now.” WHAT the hell? I’m sorry but I don’t see how that is supportive. How is that supposed to make me feel better? Not only does it make my heart constrict and bring all my fears back up to the surface…but that’s a hell of a thing to say to someone going through this. Saying something like, wow…you guys are doing so great with the adversity you’re facing is fine. But inferring that we have to live life to the fullest because we all know Dave’s days are numbered is like stabbing me in the heart.

Another favorite as of late is when someone comes up to me and asks in a whisper. “How is Dave doing with the cancer?” These people tend to say the sentence out loud…only whispering the word “cancer.” Now, I’m unsure why they’re whispering. Is this a taboo subject? And if so, don’t even bother asking it. If you’re going to ask it. Just ask it. Don’t whisper. What does she think…that by whispering the cancer won’t over hear her?

I know that this sounds like a bitchy post. But sometimes I’m flabbergasted by the things people have said to me all in the name of support. But I also don’t want this ranting to stop anyone from asking about David and I or about his treatments. I honestly don’t mind talking about it. (Note: Although asking during the middle of a party is not always ideal. It brings not only me down…but others around us having the conversation.) I don’t mind discussing it and please don’t worry about reminding me what we’re facing. Believe me. I know and haven’t forgotten. It’s something I carry with me every day.

So. Please keep the support coming. Both of us need it. And if you have questions ask. If you just want to say, “Wow, this really sucks and how are you guys doing?” That’s fine too. I know that the people reading this are not the ones that I’m ranting about. I just wanted to vent to someone. Because it annoys me and honestly brings up my own very real fears. As always…thanks for listening.


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