Hopefully that will be enough...

How do you tell your son that his daddy is dying. Or even worse, how do you tell him the unimaginable...that he died? These and many other questions used to haunt me at night...Keeping me up until all hours...trying to figure out what to say. And unfortunately, I had to decide. Because I knew the day was coming. It was unavoidable and I had to be prepared. No matter that I just wanted to crawl in a hole and hide from the pain and the incomprehensible future of life without David. But now I was going to have to explain it to our son.

But I did it. Unsure how, but I did. It was such a difficult and painful thing to do. But hell, nothing about this has been easy or painless. So, why would this be any different?

We had always been very honest about David’s illness. We didn’t say he was "sick" anymore as the Cancer progressed. We began to call it what it was. Cancer. Sick began to have too many negative connotations and the faintest sign of a "cold" and being sick would send Alec into a tailspin. So we ended up changing our terminology, so there was no concern about when one of us got sick with a common cold. He couldn’t differentiate between the two. So we began calling it what it was and being as honest as possible with him...trying to distill what was happening and the treatments into terms he could understand.

As things progressed and David had his stroke, we explained that the tumor had hurt daddy's head. We explained that Daddy’s body didn’t work as well as it used to because of the cancer. And as the tumor began to affect David's motor functions and he became weaker, we had to explain what was happening as well. That his body was failing and would stop soon. It broke my heart to tell Alec this and to see the concern in his eyes. And Alec would resolutely say, "Daddy is fine. He's going to be fine." But you could see the worry...

That dreadful morning after David was gone, I had to tell Alec. I took him into the room where David had been. To the empty hospital bed and told him that David had passed away. I explained to him that daddy's body had stopped working and that he would no longer be here. And that although we couldn’t see him, Daddy would be watching over us as David had said to both Alec and I so many times before. And that Daddy always said that if you ever wanted to talk, he would always be listening. He just might not always be able to respond. And that his he loved him very much and that he wanted to stay. He fought long and hard to stay, but unfortunately they just couldn't ’t get all of the Cancer out.

Alec understood all too well what happened. He knew his daddy was gone and you could see the utter fear and panic on his face. But as they said might happen, he turned his head away and wanted out of the room. He won't talk about David yet. And they say he might not for awhile. But he's processing all that has happened and coping as best as his little body can. And once he's ready...he'll begin to talk about him once again. And I'll have to somehow help him come to terms with the grief of losing his father at such a very young age.

David absolutely adored Alec. From the moment he was born 3 1/2 years ago...David spent every waking moment with him. And when David was diagnosed when Alec was only a year and a half that never changed. Despite the treatments and everything David's body went through. He made sure he always had time for Alec and gave him all the love in his heart. And I have 3 1/2 years of photos, videos and stories to prove it. So, Alec will always know how very much his daddy loved him and how very hard he fought to stay with him. He fought so hard. And hopefully that will be enough.