Wednesday, June 29, 2005

I am completely freaking out

I went to the pediatrician for what was supposed to be the normal 6 month check up. Alec was due for his next set of inoculations, which I was dreading…but nothing more.When I went up to the front desk, the woman commented on how red he was and that I should keep him out of the sun. I looked down, yup he was red…but he hadn’t been in the sun for awhile since this hot spell. He does this periodically, so I thought nothing of it.
When the pediatrician came in, she said the same thing. I said that his coloring had been fine 30 minutes ago when I put him in the car, but that this happens periodically and it always goes away. She continued to ask more about him, but I still didn’t grasp that she was very concerned. And sure as rain, not 10 minutes later his color was back to normal. Well, this really concerned her since it is only on his arms and legs and not the rest of his body. She says it is very uncommon for just his appendages to go red as a beet and then fade away for no apparent reason. So, she leaves and says she’ll be back in a moment with another doctor for a 2nd opinion. I still have no clue that anything is really wrong. The 2nd doctor comes in and does look concerned…and does a few tests and then says that she doesn’t think it’s a heart murmur or anything systemic. WHAT?
So I start to get a bit panicked now. My pediatrician, who has a much better bedside manner, tells me that there is nothing to get too worried about yet, but that the symptoms show that there might be some sort of circulation problem or heart problem….but that it might be nothing at all. Nothing at all? Doesn’t seem like nothing at all to me with 2 doctors and a little band hooked up to his foot and hand to check the oxygen in his system. The other pediatrician is going on and on using lots of medical terminology that I don’t understand. But the gist of it is that Alec is now going to a cardiologist because there may be an issue with his circulation or his heart. Also, he has this red mark on his leg, the name of which escapes me at the moment because I am a nervous wreck. But they can also be internal, and he may have one internally on one of his organs and as these red thingies tend to grow for the first year before they shrink and disappear…it may be affecting his circulation or an organ. Lovely…
I feel sick, nervous and petrified all at once.
Mind you, there is a good chance nothing is wrong. He is one healthy and happy little guy and is growing by leaps and bounds. But we have a really good doctor and she just wants to make sure there is nothing more serious…and if there is…to catch it early to fix it. There is a good chance that this is how his body behaves, albeit quirky and uncommon. But somehow that isn’t a comfort to me right now because Alec is scheduled to see a cardiologist next Tuesday…because there is a possibility something might be wrong. I can’t even contemplate it. He is healthy damn it! He just has to be. I love him so much, it feels like my heart could burst and the thought that something might be wrong tears me apart. I’m now going to go find a corner somewhere to cry…


Post a Comment

<< Home