Saturday, October 11, 2008

Bother Me…

I just wanted to say that although I may not always respond to your voice mails, emails or cards. They mean the world to me…more than many of you probably know. I find that I don’t seem to have enough time in the day lately to get done the insurmountable paperwork and crap that continually awaits me, along with being the mom Alec needs me to be…and mourning the loss of David. And sometimes, honestly, I just am too damn sad to pick up the phone or reply to that email.

But I wanted everyone to know how very much all of your continued contact has made a remarkable impact on my life. Those calls, letters, blog comments and emails mean the world. They make a huge difference in my life. Making those hours of solitude a little less lonely, bringing smiles or at least strength in those dark hours.

Hell, just seeing that little counter on my blog slowly ticking upwards makes a difference. It means I’m still in people’s thoughts and that although the world may seem empty and lonely right now. It reminds me that I am not alone…and for that I am forever grateful.

Thank you for the smiles, the tears and the beautiful words of wisdom and encouragement. I need them and appreciate them, although I may not have gotten back to all of you…

And for those of you who say you don’t want to bother me…I say, “Bother me. “ Please. Because it isn’t a bother. Many people deal with grief differently. But I am a social person and the only thing some days getting me through the hour…and then the day…is all the love around me. Helping bouy me. Keeping me afloat. Without it I would have gone under long ago.

6 Comments:

At October 12, 2008 1:56 AM, Blogger Satine said...

*hugs*

...honestly, I _do_ think of you frequently, especially since I found out what was going on.

I am always interested in what you have to write, and always concerned about how you are coping.

In my own experience, I've felt disconnected at times during my past due to pain in my life. Contact from the outside made me feel less invisible in a good way, even if physically sometimes I wanted to disappear because the pain was so great. I think that especially when the outside contact (outside of family members or people who really did see me every day) was in print worked well for me, because then I could decide on my response or if I wanted to act. Privacy is about as vital as respecting what others share to me.

Truly, I go to your BLOG first when I'm online because not only am I concerned with how you are feeling, but honestly you're also a very talented writer!

 
At October 12, 2008 1:52 PM, Blogger Jess said...

Skye -

Someday, you will look back and wonder how you made it. And when you do, you'll be so proud. You'll be proud of how you held it together and how you allowed yourself to fall apart periodically. You'll be proud of the amazing support system you had and proud of the son you raised on your own.

Right now you're living minute to minute. It's sad to look back and scary to look ahead. But this won't last forever. Someday, slowly, you'll make plans and set goals. And when you succeed, again, you'll be filled with pride.

I promise. You're a warrior. I know you can do it.

Jess

 
At October 12, 2008 4:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Skye
You, Dave and Alec have made such a huge impact on everyone's lives that each of you have come in contact with- you are so strong even when you don't feel that you are! We are with you even if it is through your blog.
Darcy

 
At October 12, 2008 8:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Skye,
I want you to know that not only are you in the thoughts of those that knew you and David the best but you are in the thoughts of those of us who have come to know you through David. I started reading your blog because I cared about David and how he was doing...through those last months of his courageous fight, I came to care for you and now I check back regularly to see how you are doing.

David was a wonderful person and I know how important you and Alec were to him. Reading about how you are doing not only keeps David's memory alive for all of us but it gives us some reassurance that you are moving forward. Although it may feel like some days you are just existing, the healing is happening...slowly but still happening.

As so many have already said, you are strong even in those moments when you feel your weakest. You are strong because of who you were before you met David and who you became because of the deep love you shared. Who you will be tomorrow is someone who has experienced the most unimaginable pain yet continued to be an inspiration to those around you.

 
At October 12, 2008 11:54 PM, Blogger momazilla said...

I do not know you, nor me. I heard about your husband's passing thru a friend's blog.

I know you are overwhelmed with everyone wanting to be sure you're ok. But you're so exhausted with dealing with your own emotions that it's hard to keep up with everyone else. When my Mom passed, I had to take a break from the phone for 2 days. I lost my voice, didn't help I had strep on top of all of it. But it was just hard to keep up with everyone.

Do not feel like you should have to email any of us, but this blog is a wonderful way to let us all know how you're doing.

I still get days where I don't feel like doing anything. But those are coming few and far between now.

And I completely agree with what Jess said. Someday you will look back and realize how far you have come.

 
At October 13, 2008 10:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Skye.

My wife and I visit your blog weekly. We are very moved by your strength and your writings, especially. You are stronger than you think you are. Keep on living and sharing your expereinces with all of us. You are an inspiration.

David L.

 

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