This phase too shall pass, right?

When I think back, Alec has gone through many phases in his short little life so far. When he was first born, he couldn’t really even see us distinctly and he slept most of the time. He also woke up every 3 hours to be fed and was swaddled pretty much all the time.

Then he got older, began to sit with help and reach for things. He had his first smile and his first good belly laugh which brought joy to our ears and he started sleeping through the night…which brought quiet joy and sound sleep to everyone!

He then was able to sit up on his own, reach and play with different toys and begin the long journey to “Real” food. Those first few weeks were tough. The constant angst weather the food was too large. Would he chew it? The fear of him chocking. It was hard to relax and make it seem fun and let him learn as he went. But we did, and he embraced this whole new world of eating with a passion. So much, that recently he will only self-feed, which means whatever goes in his mouth…he must be able to pick it up and do it on his own. Oh the joys and the mess! Right now he is partial to Cheerioes, Nutri-Grain Waffles, green beans and apples soaked in water. He also thinks my Pesto Cavatappi with tofu ain’t bad either!

In the recent months he has become a jovial, sometimes coy and altogether delightful little man. He now reaches out to be picked up, loves to be tickled, can pull himself up and move around the room via furniture and last week began crawling in his own wacky way.

We have also begun the altogether exhausting phase of separation anxiety. This phase sucks my friends. He has learned he is a separate being from us, which is wonderful and an important step developmentally. He is enjoying exploring this new big world, but the key word is “big.” And it is a bit scary for one so small and the realization that we can leave the room and he is “alone” in this strange and exciting place we call home tends to freak the little guy out. So, recently, he must have either mom or dad within reaching distance almost all of the time. He will be playing along heartily and then all of a sudden stop, turn around and reach for one of us just to make sure we haven’t snuck off somewhere. Where does he think we’ll go, unsure? But anywhere but by his side just isn’t gonna cut it. Even if one of us is playing with him and the other one leaves the room to say…go to the bathroom. He has an all out meltdown.

He has also begun this whole anxiety thing at night as well.
He used to wake up periodically in the night, but would find his thumb and sooth himself back to sleep, ah those were the days. Our once peaceful sleeper is now tossing and turning fitfully and waking up periodically crying. All we have to do to calm his little soul is go into his room, talk soothingly while we rub his little belly. This seems to reaffirm that we haven’t gone anywhere and that he is safe and he drops off into a pleasant sleep until he wakes up again and notices he’s alone once again.

I know this is very normal, actually textbook behavior, for a 10-11 months old. But it sucks. I love him dearly but I am so tired. I know he will eventually learn that we are not gone, and that there are no worries and he will adjust to this new concept of being a separate entity from us. And I know this phase doesn’t last forever…a couple months until he gets his bearings...it just feels like it will last forever.

I am going to go try and pull myself out of this lethargy brought on by sleep deprivation and have a nice cup of tea. Take care my friends…