Wednesday, June 29, 2005

I am completely freaking out

I went to the pediatrician for what was supposed to be the normal 6 month check up. Alec was due for his next set of inoculations, which I was dreading…but nothing more.When I went up to the front desk, the woman commented on how red he was and that I should keep him out of the sun. I looked down, yup he was red…but he hadn’t been in the sun for awhile since this hot spell. He does this periodically, so I thought nothing of it.
When the pediatrician came in, she said the same thing. I said that his coloring had been fine 30 minutes ago when I put him in the car, but that this happens periodically and it always goes away. She continued to ask more about him, but I still didn’t grasp that she was very concerned. And sure as rain, not 10 minutes later his color was back to normal. Well, this really concerned her since it is only on his arms and legs and not the rest of his body. She says it is very uncommon for just his appendages to go red as a beet and then fade away for no apparent reason. So, she leaves and says she’ll be back in a moment with another doctor for a 2nd opinion. I still have no clue that anything is really wrong. The 2nd doctor comes in and does look concerned…and does a few tests and then says that she doesn’t think it’s a heart murmur or anything systemic. WHAT?
So I start to get a bit panicked now. My pediatrician, who has a much better bedside manner, tells me that there is nothing to get too worried about yet, but that the symptoms show that there might be some sort of circulation problem or heart problem….but that it might be nothing at all. Nothing at all? Doesn’t seem like nothing at all to me with 2 doctors and a little band hooked up to his foot and hand to check the oxygen in his system. The other pediatrician is going on and on using lots of medical terminology that I don’t understand. But the gist of it is that Alec is now going to a cardiologist because there may be an issue with his circulation or his heart. Also, he has this red mark on his leg, the name of which escapes me at the moment because I am a nervous wreck. But they can also be internal, and he may have one internally on one of his organs and as these red thingies tend to grow for the first year before they shrink and disappear…it may be affecting his circulation or an organ. Lovely…
I feel sick, nervous and petrified all at once.
Mind you, there is a good chance nothing is wrong. He is one healthy and happy little guy and is growing by leaps and bounds. But we have a really good doctor and she just wants to make sure there is nothing more serious…and if there is…to catch it early to fix it. There is a good chance that this is how his body behaves, albeit quirky and uncommon. But somehow that isn’t a comfort to me right now because Alec is scheduled to see a cardiologist next Tuesday…because there is a possibility something might be wrong. I can’t even contemplate it. He is healthy damn it! He just has to be. I love him so much, it feels like my heart could burst and the thought that something might be wrong tears me apart. I’m now going to go find a corner somewhere to cry…

Sunday, June 26, 2005


After David came into my life, I never really thought I could love anything or anyone else as much as I love him…but I was wrong.
I love our little guy more than I ever thought imaginable.
It’s a different kind of love but love all the same.
He amazes me every day…

I’m amazed…

  • That we created this little being
  • How small his little hand is in mine
  • How peaceful and beautiful he is when he sleeps
  • How he finds joy in simplicity
  • How he can manage to get more food up his nose and in his hair than in his mouth
  • That I can see glimpses of the man he is going to become someday
  • At how peaceful and happy he is most of the time
  • How his smile lights up a room
  • How much I’ve grown to love him in a mere 6 months

Albeit he can be one stinky little creature with an attitude…but he is amazing.And when I look down into his big brown eyes when he’s curled up in my lap…I am at peace and that is amazing.

Thank you for coming into our life Alec. I have a feeling you may end up teaching us more about life that we will teach you…

Thursday, June 16, 2005

How do I get a ticket?

I went to the mall today. Which is quite unusual for me. I’m not one to hang out at the mall shopping my afternoon away. I’m more the kinda girl who will go to Barnes and Noble…order a Toffee Nut Latte and then spend hours wandering the isles reading books. But Alec’s 6-month photo shoot is coming up and I wanted to find something for him to wear besides his diaper and a formula stained onesie. Having a boy, this is more difficult that you would think. But that is another tirade for another day.

So, back to the original story. I went to the mall to find a nice, simple outfit for my adorable son. No dorky sweater vests or blue monstrosity with trucks all over it. Something simple and classy. Since we’ve decided to indulge in a “professional” photographer because we figured “what the hell…we’re only doing this once so we might as well do it right”…as well as the fact that I was disturbed by the fact that the Joe Blow photographer at your local store might put cherub wings on him. We decided we better get a nice outfit for him to be immortalized in for this momentous occasion of him turning 6-months…as well as the fact that this photographer (who does amazing work I might add) also costs MUCH more than your average Joe Blow photographer…so Alec better look good.

So, here I am at the mall…meandering from one pricey kids store to the next…being reminded repeatedly why I don’t shop for Alec at the mall for his “regular” clothes. If I did, we would either have to live off ramen or I would have to pimp Dave out regularly to afford those cute little outfits… But I digress.

So, here I am…wandering around and there are TONS of moms.
Moms everywhere with little munchkins in tow. Moms from all walks of life…
But there were basically two kinds of moms that stood out for me today. The first kind are not your run of the mill mom. They are your very wealthy moms who do not work and probably have done very little work in their life (not that not working is bad, I only work 3 days a week now) but they come from a household of high means. They probably have more money than I will see in a lifetime. And they are meandering about picking up $80 sweaters for their infants…and cooing “Isn’t this just adorable, I must have it!” Yeah, lady. It’s adorable…and it’s also damn expensive. These perfectly coifed moms are dressed in all the latest high fashion and their children are immaculate. How do they do that? It’s like they come from such upstanding stock that the stains just magically disappear…or maybe they just shop at the mall so much that the kid has a billion outfits, so when one gets soiled they just chuck it. Who knows…
Then there are the other moms. Let’s call them the cool moms. They are in groups, and they are having a lovely time. Laughing and chatting and drinking their cappuccinos. I find myself staring at these women. They look at me and smile and I smile back…but then they are gone…laughing and sharing stories. And I am left there alone.
It’s like I have a ticket to a club, but I don’t really belong and I don’t know how to get in. I may have a ticket…but I’m still outside...pressing my face to the window wondering what it’s like inside.

Sometimes I wish I knew someone who has a 6 month old…. Someone with like interests that we could go and hang out with and our children could play…
They say that you will meet people, but I haven’t yet. I’m still on the outside looking in. Not to say I’m totally alone…I have wonderful friends who light up my life and give me smiles as well. But they all work and have busy lives as well…and on my days off…when Alec is asleep…I feel isolated.

Well, there you have it folks…could it be postpartum? Possibly…but I doubt it. It’s probably more likely I am adjusting to my new life with a little being and just crave adult interaction and someone to share my goofy daily moments with.

But to put a happy note on it…I found an adorable sweater and linen pants for Alec for the photo shoot and I didn’t have to open a 2nd mortgage on the house…clearance…it’s a wonderful thing!

Monday, June 06, 2005

Home Renovation: The Porch Stairs

This is the beginning of what will probably be an insane amount of posts over the next couple years. We are back in the saddle again.
After a brief break during which our son was born, we are back at it folks. Let the home renovation antics begin!

Lesson #1: All home renovation projects will take anywhere from double to triple the amount of time allotted. It’s just one of those cosmic laws.

Lesson #2: Having a baby and doing home renovation will lengthen all projects further than cosmic laws listed in lesson #1.

That said, here we go…..
We decided, being Memorial weekend and all, what better time to get back into the exhaustive and extensive renovation on our 1926 Bunglow.

Our front porch is in need of a total overall, but we have bigger priorities right now (like having a bedroom without ladders, drywall and other such non-sense in it) and decided we would replace the top portion of the steps which are currently rotting, spruce up the paint and then be done with it for a couple years. Ah, likely story.

We went to Home Depot, picked up the wood and showed Alec what would soon become his 2nd home. Went and when we removed the front step, lo-and-behold the stringers (or base) of the steps were rotted as well. Damn!
So, back to Home Depot to get stringers. Unfortunately the brainiac who owned this home previously did not create the standard size porch. We’ve run into this on numerous occasions. The previous owner isn’t always at fault though, it is an older home and that means although it is wonderful and full of character…it is also a pain in the ass because nothing is “standard” anywhere.
But we bought the stringers and went home once again. (At this point you might be wondering why we didn’t tear it all apart at once to get a more complete shopping list—I have no answer for you other than we’re artists and although we’re getting quite adept at home renovation…we’re still artists and a bit disorganized sometimes.) The 4-step stringers didn’t fit because the nimrod created his “own” stringers instead of buying the standard sized ones, and be-damned we were not going to tear apart the whole damn porch…we were going to make this work. So we went to Menards (because Home Depot was out of the 5-step stringer) and went back home once again and cut those mothers so they would work. All told…3 Home Depot trips and 1 Menards trip later, we are still not done…..but getting closer.

The porch stairs are done…but since we had to tear off the railing to put the new stairs in….and since the aforementioned railing is obnoxiously cute with hearts cut out of them, why not replace them as well as the railing on the porch? What the hell right? This is how all of our projects go. They always take on a life of their own and evolve into a much more complex project than originally intended.

So, here we are…the porch is primed but not painted yet and it has no railing. Lets all do a mantra that the mailman doesn’t kill himself on the porch, although he is probably grateful to be treading upon new steps since the old ones were a disaster.

Stay tuned for the continuning sagas of the porch!

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Ethel is a Momma!

I should begin this blog by saying that after my last post about Ethel, one of my friends informed me that she was a Mourning Dove and that they tend to be a little messy on the poop front.
Messy? I was not daunted. I have a 5 month old baby.
Messy is my life right now....and poop doesn't scare me. We have our own personal pooping machine living in the bedroom next door.
And how messy can a little bird be anyways?
The answer to that question is: VERY MESSY!
But I digress. I did a bit of research on Mourning Doves and found out that they mate for the summer, find a place to hole up, and then lay 2 eggs - 4 to 5 times during the summer.... 4 or 5 times?! Lovely.
Here I thought I would provide a loving environment for Ethel to have her babies, they would grow up, fly away and we would all be happy. Yes, I'm naive. But the good news was that if you remove a nest, Mourning Dove's will rebuild one elsewhere within 2-3 days.
Great. It was a plan. I would let her raise the munchkins she was currently working on, and then she could move on safely to another home to begin the next round.
So, periodically I have been checking on her and she was staying very close to home. And then amazingly one day.....little adorable baby hatchlings!
Ethel wouldn't let me near her to get a picture and you could barely see them nestled deep in the nest. But here are the little guys a mere week later!
What a wonderful experience. We watched her train the hatchlings to fly. She would take each one out individually onto the neighbors roof and then back to the nest. It was quite a site to see. And then last week we went out there and the nest was empty! Could it be true? Had they already grown to full maturity and begun their young rebellious years on their own?
Here I thought that little Alec was growing so fast that I can barely keep up trying to capture and savor every smile and precious moment....and Ethel's had 2 babies, taught them important life lessons and sent them on their way in the world in a mere couple weeks. Ah, they do grow up so fast don't they?
But since Ethel was out, and the children had begun their new lives....we removed the nest. One can only endure so much bird poop for the sake of new life you know.
Good luck Ethel and thanks for reminding me to take time out to enjoy every moment because life is too short...and someday Alec won't want to sit on my lap, making cooing noises and playing with his toes. He'll be out playing with his friends and growing into the man he's to become someday.